The Three Sisters ~ Understanding

"But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of 
the Almighty giveth them understanding."

(Job 32:8)

     "You just don't understand!" 

     "I heard exactly what you said, and you..."

     How many times have you been in that common scenario--struggling to keep your own side while proving to the other person that you "understand"? Sure, you might have heard every word they articulated, but did you truly understand them?

"The hunger to be understood. Few needs of the human heart are greater than the need to be understood--to have a voice that is heard, respected, and valued--to have influence. Most believe that the key to influence is communication--getting your point across clearly and speaking persuasively. In fact, if you think about it, don't you find that, while others are speaking to you, instead of really listening to understand, you are often busy preparing your response? The real beginning of influence comes as others sense you are being influenced by them--when they feel understood by you--that you have listened deeply and sincerely, and that you are open. But most people are too vulnerable emotionally to listen deeply--to suspend their agenda long enough to listen with understanding before they communicate their own ideas. Our culture cries out for, even demands, understanding and influence. However, the principle of influence is governed by mutual understanding born of the commitment of at least one person to deep listening first." (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey, Forward, pg. 10) 

"Let men of understanding tell me, and let a wise man hearken unto me."

(Job 34:34)

Understanding ~ The ability to comprehend the perspectives of others

    Webster defines understanding as "The faculty of the human mind by which it apprehends the real state of things presented to it, or by which it receives or comprehends the ideas which others express and intend to communicate. The understanding is called, also, the intellectual faculty. It is the faculty by means of which we obtain a great part of our knowledge." (W. 1828 dictionary)

The Value of Understanding

     Remember the two distinctive descriptions of value that characterize a virtuous woman and wisdom? Understanding, like wisdom and the virtuous woman, is given the same recognition as having worth that exceeds the value of rubies. 

"Happy is the man...that getteth understanding. For the merchandise 
of it is better than the merchandise of silver, and the gain thereof than fine gold. 
She is more precious than rubies: 

and all the things thou canst desire are not to be compared unto her. Length of 
days is in her right hand; and in her left hand riches and honor. 

Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. 
She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one 
that retaineth her." 

(Proverbs 3:13-18)

     It is interesting to note that the only woman in the Bible to have been described as a woman of good understanding was Abigail--the wife of Nabal and, later, King David. "...and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance..." (I Samuel 25:3a) She was in a difficult predicament with a selfish and "churlish" man who had no heart to change. When the king arrived on her doorstep, fuming and ready to avenge himself of one  ill-mannered citizen, it was this beautiful woman of understanding who, not only spared the life of her husband, but also, by her gracious influence and careful persuasion, prevented David, a man after God's own heart, from making a rash and harmful decision that would have been a breach in his reputation. And notice how God took care of the rest. As she endeavored to be a a mediator of peace between two rivals, prudently applying a heart of understanding, this virtuous woman is now known as one of the most renowned representations of how a disaster can be turned into a blessing through understanding. (See I Samuel 25:1-42)  

How Can I Get Understanding?

"The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple." 
(Psalm 119:130)

     Seeking to understand the heart of God through His Word will enable you to understand the hearts of those around you. Without first devoting yourself to deeply know Him, you will never be able to truly understand the people in your sphere of influence. But, as you learn HIS heart, reading His Word and learning to deeply listen to His voice, communing with Him on a daily, moment-by-moment basis, you will then begin to hear the unspoken, see the unseen, and feel the silent implications in the lives you are closest to--you will begin to understand deeply.

"Whence then cometh wisdom?
and where is the place of understanding?
 ...Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom;
and to depart from evil is understanding."
(Job 28:20, 28)

Understanding Applied

"A false witness shall perish: but the man that heareth speaketh constantly." 

(Proverbs 21:28)

     Upon the foundation of the fear of God, wisdom is manifested, and, as wisdom is applied, understanding is nurtured. Like as with wisdom, you must desire to have a heart of understanding; you must be willing to surrender your "rights" of being right and seek to deeply listen to the hearts of those around you. Sincere understanding requires looking beyond yourself and launching into a path not easily trod; it requires a paradigm shift, a look from the perspective of another to recognize their heartfelt needs and the strength to draw them to higher ground. It does not indulge in someone's pity-party, yet it does weep with those who weep. It does not bask in the thrill of gossip, yet it does help to bear the burdens of another. A person with a heart of understanding has the ability to see through the eyes of another, yet also has the outside perspective in order to bring health and harmony. Understanding is not a gift, it is an endeavor.

"In the lips of him that hath understanding wisdom is found." (Proverbs 10:13a)

"A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings." (Proverbs 1:5-6)

The Three Sisters ~ Wisdom

"And I have filled him with the spirit of God, in wisdom, and in understanding, and in knowledge..." (Exodus 31:3)

     Let's take a look at one of these three sisters, the first of the three essential keys to thriving relationships--Wisdom. Before moving too far ahead, we must first ask, "What is wisdom?"  

Wisdom ~ The Right Response to Truth

     "Wisdom [is] the right use or exercise of knowledge; the choice of laudable ends, and the best means of accomplishing them. This is wisdom in act, effect, or practice. If wisdom is to be considered as a faculty of the mind, it is the faculty of discerning or judging what is most just, proper and useful, and if it is to be considered as an acquirement, it is the knowledge and use of what is best, most just, most proper, most conducive to prosperity or happiness. Wisdom in the first sense, or practical wisdom, is nearly synonymous with discretion. It differs somewhat from prudence, in this respect; prudence is the exercise of sound judgment in avoiding evils; wisdom is the exercise of sound judgment either in avoiding evils or attempting good."  ~ 1828 Webster Dictionary

Wisdom & A Virtuous Woman

     There are several similarities we have found shared between the descriptions of wisdom and a virtuous woman. Did you know that God bestows the same value to a virtuous woman as He does to wisdom?  One of the richest descriptions of value shared between them is that their price is above rubies.

     "[Wisdom] cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire. The gold and the crystal cannot equal it: and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of fine gold. No mention shall be made of coral, or of pearls: 

for the price of wisdom is above rubies." 

(Job 28:16-18)

    "Who can find a virtuous woman? 

for her price is far above rubies?"  

(Proverbs 31:10) 

Could it be that such is the case because a virtuous woman manifests true wisdom?
    
 The second description of value is that they are a crown to those who embrace them.

"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, 

when thou dost embrace her. She shall give to thine head an ornament of grace: 

a crown of glory shall she deliver to thee." 

(Proverbs 4:7-9)

"A virtuous woman is a crown..." 

(Proverbs 12:4a)

     A crown brings honor and admiration to the one it adorns. It is a beautiful symbol of the greater authority it represents. In the case of wisdom, that higher Authority would be God.  For, as it brings grace and honor to the one whom it adorns, it ultimately brings glory to the One Who gives wisdom. 

     A virtuous woman is a crown to her earthly authority, namely her husband. (For those of us who are not married, Proverbs 31:11 states that a virtuous woman will do her husband good ALL the days of her life--she can bring him honor through her wise living even if she has not yet even met him!) However, we can also bring glory to the Kingship of Christ as single young ladies, and part of His diadem, through our wise decisions and actions of discretion. As others see our conversation in wisdom, they will be able to see our King more clearly.   

"Behold, I have taught you statutes and judgments, even as the Lord my 

God commanded me, that ye should do so in the land whither ye go to possess it. 

Keep therefore and do them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding 

in the sight of the nations, which shall hear all these statutes, and say, 

Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people." 

(Deuteronomy 4:5-6) 

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your 

good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." 

(Matthew 5:16)

Where Can I Get Wisdom?

     "But where shall wisdom be found? and where is the place of understanding? Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living. The depth saith, It is not in me: and the sea saith, It is not with me. It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof... Whence then cometh wisdom? and where is the place of understanding... And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding." (Job 28:12-15, 20, 28)

     True wisdom can only be found through the fear of the Lord, as discussed in the previous post, An Excellent Spirit. Without a healthy fear of God, without a desire for righteousness, wisdom will be forever out of your reach, though always at your fingertips. Like a young child, who is blindfolded, tries to strike a piñata for the treasure inside, yet he cannot see what it is that he endeavors to aim for and, therefore, he is never quite able to strike his mark successfully, so is a person who attempts to strike the treasure of wisdom, yet is blinded from clearly understanding what it is that he strives for because the fear of God has not removed the blindfold of sin. But, once that blindfold has been removed and the soul begins to view life from the new perspective, responding to his circumstances with the fear of God, he will then be a life into which wisdom can freely enter. 

     "I do fear God," you may say, "And I have a strong desire for wisdom, but I just don't have it." James 1:5-6a answers that by saying,"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering..."  If you are truly walking in the fear of God, and you sincerely desire to know wisdom, then you must bow before the Giver of wisdom and seek to know His heart, asking Him to give you His wisdom, and be open and ready to receive it, for, according to His promise, He will give it to you. As you seek Him with all your heart, endeavoring to make His desires your own, He will give you the discretion and sound judgment you need to make wise decisions and act according to wisdom. 

Wisdom Applied

*You must desire it

     Solomon desired wisdom more than any other thing he could have been given. He longed for the sound judgment necessary to rule his kingdom well. Above riches, fame, popularity, and even his own comfort and well being, he desired that which would help him win the hearts of those under his jurisdiction, something that would enable him to guide the land so that others could thrive, something that would out-live even his own time on earth--and that was what he was given. 

    No one is going to force wisdom upon you. You are not required to have thriving relationships within your home. However, if you do want to have flourishing relationships with those around you, then you must desire wisdom with all your heart, you must want to truly know how to meet the needs of others, even if it means realizing where you are wrong or sacrificing your own comfort. For, if wisdom is not your desire, then wisdom will not help you and nothing that even the wisest person on earth may say will aid you in building lasting relationships.     

*You must exercise it

     King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, made some foolish mistakes. It is not enough to know wisdom--to be aware of every end goal, knowing just how to respond properly in every situation--if we neglect to utilize the wisdom God gives us. If you seek wisdom, God will give it to you, but you must use it.

*Don't waste time  
     Time is short. We never know how long we will be on this earth. There comes a day when wisdom backs off from those who did not heed her and laughs as they crash to their doom. Also, consider this, dear sister; as "forever" as this season in life may seem, we do not know how much longer we have under our father's roof, living with those dear, precious ones who call us "sister". Many a sister has walked away, gone off to college, or gotten married and left scars that will forever ache within the hearts of their siblings. But, if things are going to be different for us, we have to desire a change that will send ripples even farther than just ourselves and our circumstances. We must personally pray, "[Lord], teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." (Psalm 90:12)

Something "Tangible"

The Wisdom From Above is:

Pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, 
without partiality, and without hypocrisy.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever." (Psalm 111:10)

An Excellent Spirit

"He that hath knowledge spareth his words: 
and a man of understanding is of an excellent spirit." 
Proverbs 17:27

   Have you ever wondered how Joseph could keep his attitude right all through being hated and completely rejected by his own brothers, sold as a slave because of their pride and greediness; then thrown in prison after being falsely accused and given no fair trial and then forgotten by his only hope of release before he arrived to the position of being second in command over all Egypt? 
 How could Moses lead that whole throng of griping and complaining people through the wilderness for forty years and still have the patience enough to intreat the Lord to spare their lives multiple times when God, Himself, was ready to start over again? 
 What about Daniel? We talk about things getting bad here in America, but Daniel was a captive. None of his family, that we know of, was there with him, probably because they were all killed. He went through four complete government hand-overs and then was thrown in the lion's den because of a rash law that was made... And still, he was known throughout all the kingdom as a man of an excellent spirit!

   We all dream about having that perfect disposition of a big sister who is adored by all who see her, or of that big sister who "never gets in trouble"; the unaffected attitude that can easily roll with the punches, or that we can talk to any time of day about anything and receive encouraging, unassuming guidance and exhortation. And nothing is so inspiring than seeing a person who is of an excellent spirit despite the chaos and troubles around. What exactly is it that makes that so idealistically attracting? And why does it seem forever unattainable?

   The reason is this: satan is the father of lies and he is so cunning in deceiving us into believing that every good and perfect gift is completely out of our reach, and we've already blown it anyways... therefore there's no hope even trying to match up and amount to anything in our own family. True success can only happen "out there". So, may as well send our siblings on their way (because they won't listen to us anyway) and not weary ourselves over trying to meet their criteria of being a big sister to them. 

   But before we get too caught up in that train of thought, let's take a moment to consider a few things: If we are born again into the kingdom of Christ, redeemed by His atoning death on the cross and received into the family of God as heirs of God through Christ, then He has given us "all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue: Whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises: that by these [we] might be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust." (1 Peter 1:3b-4). We have been given the grace and strength to soar above the "normal" state of captivity into the marvelous freedom of walking with Christ. As our relationship with Him is strengthened, so will be the other relationships He brings into our lives and He will take us by the hand and teach us to nurture them as He nourishes us.

   That's a mouthful to read, and a stake to chew on, so let's take a deeper look into how our relationship with Christ affects our relationships with others. We really do desire to have strong, thriving relationships with those He has placed in our lives, and we do long to be the sisters we know we ought to be, but where do we start?       

     If you are familiar with gardening, you would recognize this term as essential to the strength of all plants: The root system. This is what obtains the majority of nutrients and gives the plant stability. In our lives, the tap-root in this root system to spiritual growth is the fear of the Lord:

 "And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom;

and to depart from evil is understanding." (Job 28:28)

 "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: 

but fools despise wisdom and instruction." (Proverbs 1:7)

   The fear of the Lord is not being scared of God. Imagine that you were suddenly placed on a tight-rope walk 200 feet in the air, with nothing more than a small cord connecting you to the anchor rope that extended above where you stood. Some may identify more than others, but consider that you had a fear of heights. Would it be the high rope you stood upon that made you afraid? No; your fear of heights would not be directed at the place of hight, but at the ground. You would be afraid of even thinking of the possibility of slipping from where you were anchored and crashing in a devastating heap on the hard ground situated quite opposite from your perch. So is one that has the fear of God. She is not scared of God, but rather shudders at even the thought of slipping away from Him, for she knows that her life would surely end in destruction. 

   So, how do I get the fear of God? Take heed to the words of the wisest man on earth, King Solomon: 

 "My [daughter], if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God."  (Proverbs 2:1-5)

   You must come to the place of knowing that you don't have it all put together, and you must set your heart to seek Him with everything in you. You must purposefully search for God. Then, you must soften your heart to hear what He says. And when you have found Him and have made Him your hearts abode, then He will teach you what it is to walk in a manner that will glorify Him and edify others--He will instruct you in wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. 

   These three sisters -- Wisdom, Understanding, and Knowledge -- are the three keys that open the door to having flourishing relationships with others. And having them will enable us to be people of excellent spirits. In the next three posts, we will be covering each of these three keys individually, and asking God to open our eyes and hearts to see others the way He sees them. He is the giver of life, therefore He holds the secrets of how to live it. 

"The secret of the Lord is with them that fear him;

and he will show them his covenant." (Psalm 25:14)

"For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding. He layeth up sound wisdom for the righteous: he is a buckler to them that walk uprightly. He keepeth the paths of judgment, and preserveth the way of his saints. Then shalt thou understand righteousness, and judgment, and equity; yea, every good path." (Proverbs 2:6-9)